I have often found myself at the end of a dead-end road during sacrament, stuck in a cul-de-sac of my own struggles and concerns.
For decades, it seems like I have been visiting that same emotional, spiritual vacant lot, wandering around with no hope for escape. While the bread arrives, I am working, scrutinizing, poking old ground to the point of obsession. I’m looking for a way out, but my feet always seem to crunch over the same gravel and brush up against the same weeds and withered brush.
This Sunday, instead of retreating immediately into the interior lot of my own thought, I listened a bit more closely to the sacrament prayer…
The priest blessing the sacrament prays over the bread and water on behalf of the congregation. It is important to note that he does not pray for himself, but for others: that they may…
That they may do it in remembrance…
That they may witness…
That they do always remember…
That they may have have His spirit…
Though the priest needs to renew the covenant and needs its blessings, his prayer is wholly for the congregation. His prayer is for others.
Continuing to resist the inclination to retreat into my own mind, I kept my eyes open and my gaze lightly fixed on the sacrament trays, watching my brothers and sisters partake of the bread and water. I practiced watching with priestly eyes over a sacrament for others. As a result, age-old frustrations with my own shortcomings and issues loosened and dissolved. The cul-de-sac faded from view as I kept my thoughts and feelings open to others’ experiences with the Lord’s supper:
What they were remembering…
What they were witnessing..
What they were seeking…
My gaze was no longer probing within, but in the smallest of ways was now witnessing and supporting others’ renewal of their covenant.
This slight shift of attention off of myself, away from my own spiritual cul-de-sac, connected me to a different kind of power and liberation: others’.
Sacrament was no longer the typical producer of frustrations. I began to contemplate how my own thoughts and efforts could be better applied to strengthen them, instead of working to escape something in me I felt uncomfortable with.
How can I help them to witness…
How can I help them to remember…
How can I help them to enjoy the spirit…
Approaching the sacrament (and even other rituals) through these priestly eyes may just provide us with the power to break through our own stalemates. What can simple observation of others’ behavior, others’ commitments and efforts produce, pondering where our support and watchfulness can sustain them? We may just find that such a simple shift in attention provides an exit from the spiritual cul-de-sac.
Wow, so powerful. Often I wonder if the only “problem” we are experiencing is us thinking that whatever we are struggling with is a problem. I am one who wants to find a way to fix whatever I am uncomfortable with, at times a little obsessively as well. I’ve found recently that if instead of running away from what I’m uncomfortable with or charging towards it determined to find a solution, if I will wait patiently IN the struggle, accepting my experience exactly as it is, I start to feel my heart open to God. I begin to feel his presence in the present and I begin to accept myself as well as my experience. I begin to realize that it wasn’t much of a “problem” after all, just part of my perfectly imperfect mortal journey. What you shared has deepened this lesson for me and has helped me see that by surrendering our running away or our fixing to God, by simply letting go we are enabled to then focus our energy on others. We are then able to strengthen them. We are no longer victims made to feel small by our circumstances and therefore compelled to fix them. Instead, we become agents who, connected to God in the present, are able to act and not be acted upon. Thank you for sharing and giving these wonderful ideas for reflection!
Sometime ago, I had the rare opportunity to “bless the Sacrament,” only to find that I do not “bless” it at all. For so many Sacrament Meetings I somehow missed the initial words of the ordinance. Kyle’s blog brought the words flooding back to my mind: “Oh God, the Eternal Father we ask THEE to bless and sanctify …” I am not blessing anything! As a priesthood holder, I am beseeching God on behalf of everyone present, for those blessings that draw us to His Son. This moment is about ministering to the welfare of those around me. It is His blessings, His sanctification that I seek on behalf of the people. It is His blessings and sanctifying power that empowers us in our discipleship. I take great delight in knowing now that I do not “do” the ordinance, but rather, feel so humbly grateful that I have been assigned to speak to God on behalf of all those present. In this ordinance I am but “voice.” I now no longer ask anyone to “bless” the Sacrament — I ask them to administer it. May we continue to minister to each other.
This was powerful, something to be read and re-read —and shared. This would be a wonderful piece of writing to share with my family, and others I know that could benefit from the insight and; and to further internalize for myself as well.